My brother, my friend, it can't be true, it doesn't seem real. I'm looking for your call or your texts.  I'm waiting to hear about your dreams of mom and what you saw on your last bicycle ride. What creative thing you made for dinner and how dad's doing. Just like before.  Before you were gone.  I know you're not with us anymore, but my heart...my heart cannot accept it. It was you and me.  We helped each other remember our childhood.  Only you and I know many things that we shared.   Do you remember when we got the Donny and Marie record player and we played the few records we had over and over while eating Fannie May chocolate mints?  Do you remember looking in the dining room built-in hutch for old coins and treasure?  You were so sure it was in there that you faked me out and put one of your old coins in there to coax me to look further.  We didn't find anything, but it was an adventure.   Where are your coins?  Where are your roller skates?  I couldn't find them. 

People tell me that we never know when we are next in line. That brings some comfort, weirdly.   You were not supposed to be at the front of that line.  You were so kind and so present and so real with people.  I saw you and I see you even more now. You knew what was important and you tried to tell me.  I heard you...and yet...other shit got in the way. I'm sorry for that. More than I can ever express here. 

I miss you and love you, my brother.